Gods & Adventurers
by Kurai Catt
Summary: I hate summeries.. but this is what happens when a dwarven god has no dwarven followers. Much drunken chaos and gnome kicking, gnomish mafia. The Realms may never be the sane again. Same drunks from Accidents Happen. :) Please review
1. Default Chapter

This is only the beginning, and I'm not sure where this is headed. I guess I better get the formalities out of the way, I don't own the Forgotten Realms ( but a Summer home there would be nice), nor do I own any of the recognizible characters ( like Moradin ect.). The others like Makador ect. belong me either myself or friends. So lemme know what ya all think so far and enjoy. Oh hope the freaky font thing has gone away. Oh and incase anybody's wondering this is kinda tied in with Accidents Happen. Enjoy!- Kurai Catt  
  
Deep in he halls of the dwarven gods sat one silent dwarf drinking his ale at the back of the main hall. He tried ignoring the others gathered there and was failing. He was positive that there was no amount of any alcohol anywhere that was strong enough to help him accomplish this. Moradin, Dumathoin, Clangeddin and Reorx all sat around the table closest to the bar drinking, playing cards and bragging of the adventures of thier many followers. "He's 'ere, ye know," mumbled Moradin, nodding toward the lone drawf. " 'en 'e can stay back there too," grumbles Dumathoin. "Callin' hisself a god. Ain't right," Clangeddin stated , his mailed fist hitting the table and sending coins and gems scattering. "I heard he finally found some followers," Reorx said, resetting his coin pile and throwing down more gems. "Yeah, an ain't a one of 'em a dwarf," Clangeddin shook his head in disbelief. The others almost fell out of their chairs. Reorx recovered first," Not a one? What are they then?" He snorted a laugh. The others weren't laughing. " Wonder what kind of trouble Makador's gotten himself into this time?" He finished and glanced back to the dwarf at sitting alone. Clangeddin looked to the others,"Last I heard, they were a couple of half- orcs, some three or so humans, an elf, a gnome and a drow." All went deadly silent, except the clank of Makador's mug and his laughter. It was that "I'm-trying-to-keep-my-sanity-and-loosing"type of laughter. "That's just not right. I can see the humans and even the gnome but...half- orcs...and drow?" Moradin was shaking his head. "An one of the half-orcs is 'is high priest,"said Clangeddin. "This just get worse by the minute." Reorx laughed, "This is going to be interesting. Glad I'm not involved. In fact I've never been so happy to have nothing to do with Toril at all. Krynn is bad enough." "I"m just hopin that spider bitch, Lloth, don't miss her little dark elf. She's a vindicive one, " Moradin said finishing his mug of ale and drawing nods from the others. 


	2. Chater 2

Disclaimer: Ok I don't own the Forgotten Realms or any other recognizable characters. The rest of these guys are mine or friends'. Its not long, but it's longer than the first chapter. So review let me know what you think.-Kurai  
  
Somewhere in the Realms in a small tavern/ inn called the Weasel Inn sat one of the most mismatched group of adventurers Jevic had ever seen. Jevic was the owner and proprietor of the only inn for a good four days march in any direction. The Weasel in was his pride and joy. Jevic looked up into the heavens, or in this case the rafters, and asked the gods why. Why did they keep coming back to his inn. He knew they had to travel more than four days away on most trips. There were no dragons to slay, no huge orc encampments or evil wizards doing whatever it was they did in the vicinity. Receiving no answer, he went back to cleaning glasses.  
They were sitting in the center of the common room, a tall half-orc in robes too small for his huge frame, a female half-orc barbarian, an elf who appeared to be the most reasonable of the group (but appearance can be deceiving), a gnome tinkering with some tiny metallic humanoid thing and a female drow. Jevic noted that some of the part was missing and secretly prayed for them never to return to his inn. It really wouldn't be so bad if they'd paid for even half of the drinks they consumed. At least they paid for the rooms.  
"Makador, God of all things gold and frothy, please grace us with your most holy of brew," prayed the male half-orc. Within seconds glowing mugs full of ale appeared on the table in front of each of the party.  
"Wonder where the old guy who mysteriously and conveniently appears with some old map and needs adventurers is," said the drow as she glanced toward the door. The other just looked at her confused. "Forget it." She chugged her ale and slammed the empty mug on the table.  
Jevic grumbled, noticing the mugs he'd just cleaned were gone.  
The others at the table followed suit, each slamming down an empty mug. "MORE!" Yelled the female half-orc, "Swifty, we need more." She pouted up at the other half-orc. The drow turned away from the couple and fidgeted with the hem if her black cloak. This was too much to deal with sober. Half-orcs making kissy faces at each other was too much to deal with even drunk and after one ale the sorceress was far from drunk. The gnome sat his little metallic thing on the floor, it jumped up, yelled "Aailk!!!" and charged into the closed door. It continued to run into the closed door until the gnome ordered it back to his side.  
"So, Um, Gos, you ever going to teach that thing anything useful? Maybe like getting us more beer, or better yet, getting us more money to we can buy more beer?" asked the drow, turning to the tiny gnome across from her. Gos, or Gosran to anyone else, shot her a look that would have been menacing on the face of anything other than a gnome and picked up Aailk.  
"I'm getting bored," groaned the sorceress as she leaned back in he chair.  
Jevic turned ghostly pale. Sober, bored dark elf sorceress... Bad..  
"Aren't we missing people?" asked the surface elf. The rest of the group all looked at each other. The half-orcs counting on there fingers.  
"Yeah," said the female half-orc after a bit. "We got Swyftmind, me, Gosran, Aailk, Dante," she pointed to the surface elf, "and Ily," she pointed to the dark elf.  
"Anybody seen Fishy or his brother?" ask Gosran.  
"Saw them two days ago. Fishy said something about going and doing ranger stuff. His brother was going with him. What about Flaglar?" Ilystial , the sorceress, answered. The rest shook their heads in answer.  
Jevic again pray to whatever god would listen.  
"Technically speaking, only Flaglar is really one of us," Dante picked up is bow . This drew looks of confusion from the others. "The ranger doesn't follow Makador and his brother..What is he again? A dark Quaterling, he follows some evil god. Ikiban-whatever, doesn't even drink!" The elf plucked at his bow like a mandolin and the others glared at him. He wasn't sure if it was his playing or what he'd said.  
Jevic watched as the dark elf pointed a finger at the offending surface elf. He winced and silently prayed that the drow would killed the bow-playing high elf. The others at the table just sat back and watched. No one dived for cover or seemed even the slightest bit concerned. Jevic then realized it was a magic missile she was casting and all hope for the elf's demise faded. Tiny sparks shot from her finger tips but nothing more.  
"DAMMIT!!!!" She yelled. "Dad, I hate you. You bastard.." she grumbled under her breath.  
The other just laughed.  
  
Makador sat back in his chair, watching the antics of his little group of followers. Something had to be done. They were far too sober. They didn't need to be sober. If they stayed sober then they might realized he little power he really possessed and find new deities. He gasps, the drow, Ilystial, may go back to Lloth or whoever she followed before him, if she found that out. The drow, although cursed and most likely insane, was not as dense as the rest. Watching them as they called for more "holy brew", he realized he had nothing to worry about. As mismatched as they were, he liked his little group. They weren't the smartest or strongest and they were frivolous and very easily distracted, but they were loyal. Kinda..Sorta.. All it took to gain their devotion was the promise of free beer, If only it was always this easy. He grinned to himself and rubbed his hands together. Time to get to work. His little miscreants had been sitting in that inn for nearly three days without seeking his greater glory. Something had to be done about this. 


	3. An offer they can't refuse

I don't own the Forgotten Realms, bummer, but the rest of this mess is mine( 'cept Dante, Swifty, Gosran, Aaiilk, Jevic, Makador and the Gnomish Mafia- those belong to friends). Time to get this little adventure cookin'...er drinkin'. Oh, thoughts are in italics. Read and review please.-Kurai Catt  
  
The doors of the Weasel Inn burst open and a richly dressed elderly gentleman with a cane entered. Ilystial glanced toward the door. Not the usual old guy, buy he'll do. She thought Now all he has to say is he needs adventurers and we're in business.  
Jevic looked up from his glasses and watched as the gentleman glanced around the room then set his sites on the half-orc and his group. Please let this be the one that takes them far away from me. Please let them find another town. He prayed, knowing full well it was useless, but if it gave him a few days with those miscreants he would be content.  
Ilystial watched as the man approached the table. His stride was not that of someone needing a cane and the bounce in his step was that of a much younger man. Curious, she thought. The others began to take notice.  
"Just the ones I've been searching for," said the elderly human smiling as he surveyed the group. Ily's dark burgundy eyes narrowed suspiciously as she watched the man. NOBODY came searching for them. Who in their right mind would come looking for two half-orcs, a gnome, fairy elf and a drow. The only exception to this general rule was the gnomish mafia and their sole interest was Gosran.  
"Took a little longer to find you than I thought it would," said the gentleman as he pulled a chair up to next to Dante.  
"Searching for us?" Asked Ily, her eyes scanning the newcomer. "We've been here for over a week."  
The man smiled, "I have a little task that are are most suited. It shouldn't be too dangerous and you will find it most enjoyable."  
"Why us?" Asked Ily, leaning back in her chair and arching her back. All this sitting was beginning to get to her. She needed something to do. She was growing restless.  
"Let's say, you possess rather the unique skills that are required of this little job."  
"How much?" Asked Gosran, his only concern at the moment being gold. The gnomes were due gold soon. Gold that he didn't have.  
"What is it?" Asked Swiftmynd, taking command of the situation. The others leaned forward.  
"There is a little contest being held at the dwarven mines in a week, a drinking contest, "The human smiled," I'm not a drinker myself and cannot hope to win a drinking contest especially against the likes of dwarves, but you," His smile broadened. "You should have no problem."  
"How much?" asked the gnome again.  
"Nine hundred each with expenses and bragging rights."  
"What do you get out of this? "Ily leaned in closer, not taking her eyes off the man. This is too good to be true. Getting paid to drink. "What if we loose?"  
The human almost fell ut of his chair. "My dear, you cannot loose." He settled back into his seat and attempted to gain back his dignity. " All I want is the prize. You get all the glory. It's simple." Before Ilystial could even begin to ask more questions Swiftmynd began summoning, signaling the end of the discussion.  
"Makador, O God of Fermented Goodness, allow us your most humble servants to be graced with your golden greatness." The male half-orc finished his prayer and mugs, HUGE mugs of foaming ale materialized on the table.  
"So we have a deal?" Asked the man.  
"YUP!" smiled the half-orc female, Wildflower and she downed her mug. The other followed each emptying their mug, except the human. Dante leaned over to him, "Ya shoul've at leash one drink. Was a gift from a god. Don wanna anger 'im do ya?" Having said that the surface elf passed out. "Here's the information you'll need. maps ect. We'll meet back here in two weeks time." The man took a drink, not wanting to anger any gods or offend anyone.  
The drow giggled, "Maybe we should leave the fairy elf."  
The human left a small satchel on the table and stumbled out of the inn. 


	4. Weasel races

DISCLAIMERS: ARG!!! OKok, I don't own the Forgotten Realms or any other recgonizable characters. The rest of this mess is ALL MINE!! :;giggles insanely:: Ok maybe not.. Ily is mine the rest belong to friends ( you know who you are). So read and review-Kurai  
  
Chap. 4 Weasels...  
  
The mid-afternoon sun shone brightly though the windows of The Weasel Inn as Ilystial, still half asleep and a little hung-over, made her way down too the common room. Ginkers, a tall, blond, cross-eyed, surface elf who worked at the inn, quickly moved to close the curtains and block out the light. Those miscreants who were sober enough to make it to their rooms (or close to) slowly made their way to the table. The two half-orcs, who had gone up before Gosran or Ily, came stomping down the steps. Ily winced. Why must they always be so damn loud! Dante was waking up, whipping the drool from his face. He was in the same chair he passed out in the night before. Gosran was tinkering with Aailk. Ginkers came over to the table, "Need beer?"  
"Need pancakes," Ily answered looking up at the cross-eyed elf who then quickly vanished off to the kitchen.  
Ilystial wasn't so sure about this job. Everything about it screamed TRAP!, but who would want to hurt them. She could understand being seen as a threat. Ily grinned at that thought. She was drow after all. The two half-orcs were imposing and Swiftmynd was rather smart, but Wyldflower..She was a few weasels short of a race. Why would dwarves let a group of non- dwarves invade their drinking contest? To win would be for the greater glory of Makador. Wait a minute, Makador was a dwarf god, the God of Beer even. Ily laughed. This could be fun even if it was a trap.  
Dante whipped the drool from his cheek and yawned. Ginkers appeared with a mountain of pancakes and a sheet of parchment, which he handed to Dante and then vanished again after giving Ilystial he breakfast. The fairy elf read the parchment and smiled the biggest smile the drow had ever seen. She swore his face would split in half. Dante then looked to the gnome, "Track's open."  
The little gnome nearly dropped Aailk. He recovered quickly, "Odds?"  
"The first and third races look sure things."  
The half-orcs wandered over and the elf informed them of the news.  
"I can't believe you're betting on weasels! " Ilystial shook her head, then looked to Gosran. "You told me the Gnomes were after you for gold you borrowed to create Aailk."  
Gosran looked up at the sorceress and nodded," That's true, but how do you think I come up with the gold to pay? Even what I get from this job won't cover the interest."  
Ily huffed. She really wanted to get out on the road.  
"Well I'm off to the races," Dante announced and got up, followed by Gosran and Aailk "Off the Weasel Wace Way!" and out the back door of the inn they went.  
Ily sighed and looked at the half-orcs, "So we leave in the morning?" Swiftmynd nodded. "And we leave Dante?" Both half-orcs nodded.  
  
Several hours and lots of beer later Swiftmynd, WyldFlower,Ilystial, Dante (who was grumbling about being cheated) and Gosran (who sat counting his winnings) were all gathered around their table looking over the map.  
"BEER!" yelled Wyldflower.  
  
Makador, Dwarven God of Beer with no dwarven followers, rocked back in his chair. It won't be long now. I will get the respect I deserve. He cackled insanely. Just wait.. Hearing the call of beer from one of his beloved followers he sent forth Holy Brew for all them. 


	5. Bunnies and a song

Disclaimer: I don't own the Forgotten Realms or any other recognizable personages. The rest of these miscreants are mine or friends. The "Beer Song" lyrics and music are "Weird" Al Yankovic's. Thanks to everybody who has reviewed this so far. Sorry this is taking so long. Looking for a job is heard work... Anyways, have fun read and review- Kurai  
  
Chapter 5 Songs and Bunnies  
  
"What is the malted liquor? What gets you drunker quicker? BEER! Can't get enough of it BEER! How we really love it BEER! Makes me feel like a man BEER! I could kiss and hug it! But I'd rather hug it! BEER! BEER! BEER!"  
  
The singing, if one could call it that, would have alerted anything in the area to the approach of the party. Two tone deaf half-orcs and a squeaky gnome sung their hearts out as the drow stubbornly refused to take part in their little hymn. It wasn't that she didn't like the song, she simply thought she was not drunk enough to sing anything.  
"But it's a hymn to the all-powerful-beer-giving Makador," said Gosran, the gnome, between verses, "You know he's listening."  
"And covering his ears!"  
Gosran pouted, but started singing again.  
"If Makador himself appears and wishes, I'll sing the song by myself, but 'til then... I haven't had near enough to drink to even considering singing in public."  
"We aren't public, "the gmone smiles, thinking he'd trapped the self-conscious elf.  
"We're in the woods.. that's close enough..."  
  
"I cannot refuse it! I could really use it BEER! BEER! BEER!"  
  
"All praise Makador!" yelled Swiftmynd.  
Ilystial shook her head," Just let everything know we're comin', Swifty. That'll be just great."  
Swiftmynd, half-orc high priest of Makador, ignored the drow and started the song from the top. The drow froze in place, seeing something move just to the side of the road. Gosran stopped followed by Wyldflower, who nearly stepped on the gnome. The female half-orc raised her club ready to attack, when a rabbit hopped out from the briars along the roadside. The bunny jumped, dodging the barbarian's club as it smashed down.  
"ATTACK BUNNY!!!!" She yelled.  
Ilystial stood back, "Yeah, vicious, killer bunnies. Run for your lives! We're all doomed! Makador save us!"  
Gosran held the map and dodged Aailk as the little metal thing ran about aimlessly. Ily shook her head again. It was a wonder they managed to get anything done. She began to doubt they would reach the dwarves in time for the contest.  
No more killer bunnies attacked or even made their presence known for the rest of the day. Ily was positive the singing had scared everything away. Gosran sat by a pile of firewood loosing his battle with it. It smoked and refused to light for the gnome.  
"Lemme try, "Ily moved closer to the smoke pile of wood, Gos moved back knowing the drow's luck with spell casting. She softly chanted and the fire flickered and sprung to life. "It worked!"  
Food was caught by Wyldflower and beer summoned by Swiftmynd.  
  
Makador, sat back, after sending his followers the requested beer. They would need help to make it to the drinking contest. Time to pull a few favors, he thought as he rose from his chair, humming the song his followers had sung earlier and left the Hall. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------  
  
Sorry it's not longer. I'll do better next time. Now to try and work on one of those other stories...::glares at her plot bat and holds up a bottle of Jolt:: maybe this'll get things moving along. Let me know what ya think so far! Kurai 


	6. Hymns to a Dwarven God

Here's a another chapter. I know it's very short, but I'm only 2 Quarters from my degree, so the projects have gotten rather intense. Ok, Italics are thoughts. There may be some overlapping between this chapter and 5. Reviews are always fun, helpful and appreciated.

GAH! DISCLAIMER TIME: I don't own the Forgotten Realms, Wizards of the Coast does. The "Beer Song" is by "Weird" Al Yankovic. All these characters are MINE or friends'' ( You know who you are). This isn't being done for money and I'm a broke student so it'd be pointless to sue me unless ya want my student loans. That said.. Enjoy!- KuraiCatt

Makador sat back listening to the hymn of his tone-deaf followers. The other gods still had no idea what was en route to their little keg party. He laughed maniacally, almost evilly. Then the "killer bunny" hopped out and scared the female half-orc and Makador, Dwarven God of Beer with NO Dwarven Worshippers, nearly fell out of his chair. They were entraining, his mismatched followers. _The two half-orcs, the gnome , his little metal thing, and the drow. One was missing. The surface elf...What's his name? Dante! That's it. Always at the Weasel Races, loosing all his gold, things he's a bard and can't hold his alcohol. CAN'T HOLD HIS BEER! Ah! They are smarter than they look._

Meanwhile at the The Weasel Inn, Dante snored away the afternoon in a puddle of drool, unaware the other had abandoned him.

Jevic grinned, happy to rid of the noisy bunch. The elf he could could live with. He couldn't magically summon beer. The elf would have to buy any alcohol he wished to consume with the others gone. Of course, there was the very likely possibility that the elf would loose all his gold to the Gnomes at the Weasel Wace Way. _If the elf losses all his gold I can kick him out! _ Jevic's grin grew to take in his entire face. This was a win win situation.

A call from his half-orc high priest for "Holy Brew" pulled the dwarf god back to his followers in the woods. Makador smiled, sent the beer with a wave and started humming the song of his faithful.

"Beer how I really love it."

"I could kiss and hug it."

"But I'd rather chug it."

AN: Agian I'm sorry this is so short. The Jolt didn't help the plot bats, but reviews might.

So let me know what you think of this mess. KuraiCatt


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